“How can I tell if he is the one? What signs should I look for?”

A friend tweeted me this a couple of months ago and I could not come up with a quick answer. It’s not that the question was uncommon. I’ve actually been asked about this over and over. It’s just that somehow, I still did not have a script ready. In fact, I’ve used different scripts through the years.

Dr Loveless

When I was not yet in a relationship (27 years of single-hood), I used the experiences of couples whose love stories seemed to have been taken right out of love stories.

I shared about how it made people change for the better. I talked about the beautiful conversations and dialogue that couples shared. I also spoke of that “you just know it” feeling.

Again, all taken from the experiences of my friends.

Mr Lover Boy 🙂

When I was finally in a relationship, I thought I could now back up my answers with my personal stories.

I soon realized that it only made it harder to answer.

In the early part of our courtship, I was sure that “I just knew it.” I shared stories of how, as the wifey walked through the door, I said, “that (young) lady is gorgeous.”

After awhile, it was in how much fun we had together. Our shared interest and sense of humour. Soon, it was in the deep, thoughtful conversations we had

Finally, in the latter stages of our courtship, it was in how we adjusted and compromised for each other, and in how we supported each other.

Back to the question…

Yup, I said all that and still cannot come a straight answer… because, really, our experiences are simply too unique to even try to generalize.


My two cents is to stop wasting time looking for signs and instead (use that time to) get to know the person inside-out.

Communicate, communicate and communicate.
Talk to them and, more importantly, actively listen to them.

Understand what is going on in their life and, yes, that includes their family and friends. You

In time, you will know the person enough and have enough signs to guide you.


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Coach Rye

Head Coach at Coach Rye
Ryan Salvanera is an Executive Coach who helps teams and individuals maximize their unique powers, taking them from good to great to AWESOME! Ryan is the Founder of Coach Rye and a Co-Founder of Wissen Solomon and StrengthsCoach.PH.

Ryan’s top five talent themes are:
Relator, Arranger, Learner, Maximizer and Individualization.

Do you want a 30-minute complimentary coaching session with Coach Rye? Check out his availability here: Calendly.
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